The Girl Had Dead Eyes
by broadhands
Summary: My attempt at a prose oneshot Susan redemption fic, inspired by Tilda Swinton's incredible look of acceptance in in her LWW movie death scene, and by a review of my poem Susan's Lament by Miniver. Will be too bleak for some, but it worked for me.


The girl had dead eyes.

That was my first impression of her when she walked into my consulting rooms. The second impression was that despite the coldness of her eyes and expression, she was tall and beautiful. She sat down and looked past me for five minutes before speaking in a flat, toneless voice.

During her childhood, she thought that she was special. She fell into a magical world with her brothers and sister where they defeated an evil witch, and were anointed kings and queens by a god in the form of a lion. They reigned in that glorious land of talking beasts for fifteen wonderful years. The lion was said to be a kind and just god, but he expelled them from paradise for the crime of growing up, and they returned to this world as the children that they really were.

In this world her siblings talked of nothing but the land they had left, but she could not bear the pain of that loss, so she denied that it had ever existed. Instead, she concentrated on becoming a young woman, of meeting the expectations of society. Then she told of the death of her entire family in a rail accident, leaving her alone in sorrow.

She tried to lose her pain in revelry and oblivion, in alcohol, sex and drugs, but nothing would remove the chill from her soul. Her life was nothing but failure. So in despair she took a drug overdose, seeking an end to everything, but she failed even that.

She woke in a grey, featureless place. The lion was there. He told her that she could be returned to his grace if she undertook a task; otherwise she would dissolve into nothingness. Despite everything that had gone before, a portion of her still wanted to live and be what she once was, so she agreed with heavy heart. She asked the lion what the task was, but he replied that she would know what to do. Her entire life had been preparation for this task.

The girl slowly became aware that she was a child again; a princess in a cruel, savage court. As time passed she grew strong, beautiful and proud, but cold and ruthless; the very image of a great ruler. Her elder sister was both queen and tyrant, but saw her as the only threat and rival for ultimate power. So they fought for supremacy, for survival, using the resources of an entire world, until to avoid defeat and death she spoke the word that destroyed all life except her, and became the last queen of that world.

And there she waited for ages in slumber, until children from another world roused her from her torpor, and helped her escape into an unformed place. The lion was there, singing the new world into existence, but she could not bear to hear his song of hope and love, for she had deliberately forgotten these precious things to end the pain, and most of all she had forgotten the lion. She tried to end the song by destroying him but could not, so escaped into the mountains. There, in a walled garden she found the tree of eternal youth, and ate a fruit from it, for she desired time to defeat the lion and gain an end to her agony.

For hundreds of years she struggled to eject the lion from the land he had created, until she was victorious. She remade the land in the image of her wintery, brutal soul, and ruled there as a stern and beautiful queen, purging the land of all that opposed her and called her witch.

But then, as she travelled in her sleigh through her frozen domain, she saw a young boy where there should be none. Strangely, she did not destroy him, but tried to seduce him to her side. He told her of a brother and two sisters from beyond this world, and something in his story called to her. She persuaded him to return with his siblings, but he betrayed her and allowed them to fall into the hands of the lion, who even now had returned to challenge her rule.

But by her power all traitors in the land belonged to her, so she demanded the lion give her the boy. The fool offered his own life in the traitor's stead, and with unholy joy she took the lion's offer, and sacrificed him in place of the boy. She thought that she had finally conquered her hated opponent, the lion.

To end the lion's rebellion against her, she led her forces against his into bloody battle. But when victory was almost within her grasp, and she was fighting the traitor's brother after wounding unto death the traitor, she heard a mighty roar. She looked up to see her nemesis, and standing alongside the lion she saw herself as a child, and her younger sister; suddenly she remembered everything that had gone before. She had become her own worst enemy.

While she stood still in astonishment, blade poised to slay her brother, the lion leaped upon her, pinning her to the ground. She looked into his eyes and without words asked him if her task was complete. He answered in the same manner that her labour was at an end, so she let go of her despair and emptiness, and accepted both his supremacy and her death.

The next moment she found she was in a hospital bed, looking into the concerned face of a nurse, who told her that she was lucky to be alive. After a few days of observation, she was released from care on the condition that she sought counselling, which was how she came to be in my rooms.

I commented that the lion seemed to be a cruel and capricious god to have put her through so much suffering. She denied my supposition, as she said that her travails had been but a test, to bring her back into his fold, for she had denied his existence in her youth. But due to her weakness it had taken her over a thousand years and another life to realise the truth of his dominion, and where her weakness was leading her, whereas her siblings had never lost faith in the lion.

There was but a single question I wanted to ask her in what remained of this session; what did she want of her life? A flicker showed in her ancient eyes as she answered that she wanted nothing more but to see her brothers and sister again. But that was impossible, for they were long gone, and in the care of the lion, of Aslan, the son of the Emperor-beyond-the-sea.

"If that is what you truly want, Queen Susan, then you may have your heart's desire, as your road to truth has been longer and harder than most." She stood in surprise as the form of an elderly bearded therapist fell away to reveal my true self; the Lion of Narnia. With a roar I opened a door to my country, "You have but to walk through this door to be with them again."

She looked at me with hope before shaking her head. "No, Aslan. I am not worthy, for as Susan Pevensie I denied you, as Queen Jadis I destroyed an entire world, and as the White Witch I was your most evil enemy. I do not deserve this honour."

I laughed. "You are very like your brother. It is because you say that you are not worthy that I know that you are ready. Go now; Peter, Edmund and Lucy are waiting for you." With tears of joy on her face she embraced me, before running eagerly though the door. I let the door fade into non-existence, but not before glimpsing the High King embrace his long-lost sister. I sighed; it was time to try to redeem another troubled soul.


End file.
